Monday, May 23, 2016

Unemployment Diaries: Catching Up is Hard to Do (Part Two) (When Will I stop Rhyming??)

Here's the second part of me catching up on my diaries. YOU BEHIND? Find part one here, or go back to the beginning by clicking HERE.
10:30AM Wake my ass up because I have an eye doctor appt at Costco at 11:15. Forget to eat before leaving. Cranky.
11:30AM (ish) Find out my eyes are mostly the same, but my right eye is getting worse faster than my left. Embark on the adventure of picking out new glasses. I've had the same style glasses more or less for about eight years. I resist the urge to pick a mild variation on my current style. Send photos to Jeremy, Sam and Leia to get help with choosing a style. Jeremy says my second faves make me look like Trelawney. He's wrong but it starts to bug me. I pick a roundish red pair.
12:30PM I find a "my first computer programming" book for small children at Costco. Laugh.

Unemployment Diaries: Catching Up is Hard to Do.

I am now officially more than a week behind on my diaries. I don't know how that happened. (Don't let me lie to you, I know exactly how it happened and it rhymes with Schamgents of Schmield)
P.S. I am typing this with a cat stretched across my whole lap, kneading into my oversized Stitch Tsum-Tsum. That cat is Sif and she's tickled pink that I'm still home with her.

Last weekend was spent decidedly not in my house.

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Unemployment Diaries: Going off Book Edition

While I'm working on new Unemployment Diaries (sorry for another delay!) here's a thing that tumbled out of me the other night on facebook to hold you over.

Guys I've been typing and retyping a comment here because I'm tired of bigotry and closed-minded hatred (I mean I'm tired of all kinds of hatred but whatever) and what it boils down to is this: Your existence is not threatened by the existence of those different from you. I promise. Whether that difference is racial, gendered, based on a sexuality or otherwise. We've had this debate before, we're going to probably have it again because we hate learning from our mistakes. Nobody wants to ruin your marriage, or corrupt your children, or change the way you lead your life. In fact, your life looks pretty nice with all the unquestioned choices you get to make on the daily. Everyone wants to be more like you, and live the life you do. It's nice, isn't it, knowing you're admired? And what would you lose by allowing such a thing? (spoiler alert: nothing).

Just... be nicer. To all the weird kids, all the weird adults, all the weird adolescents who might, in fact, be going through a phase but need your support regardless. We’re all a little weird, depending on who’s looking at us. So just let the weirdness commence. Who honestly cares? Pride should not only be afforded to those in power. Are you nervous that your kids will be exposed to the weirdness and possibly find out that they have weirdness in them, too? Cool news: that’s probably going to happen sooner or later anyhow, because some of us are just BORN WEIRD (scratch that--most of us are born weird). It worked for Lady Gaga.

You know what makes weirdness hard? Other people. I don’t hate that I’m weird. I hate the way other people look at me when they find out I’m weird. Or that they’ll decide I’m weird before getting to know me. Or that I’m weirder than I originally thought, and now I’ve gotta keep it hidden to avoid things getting worse. As the weird one, it’s somehow my responsibility to change my behavior/looks/words to make the other person (the person who doesn’t have to do all this fidgeting and adjusting in the first place) more comfortable. They’re only uncomfortable in the first place because they’ve decided to fixate on my weirdness. MINE. possessive. The weirdness belongs to me, it’s part of me, I can’t just erase it or ignore it at the risk of being less than 100% myself. Everyone loved BeyoncĂ© until she reminded them she was born weird. How dare she embrace her own skin, her heritage and her history and the very DNA with which she was born. Isn’t being rich and famous enough, Bey? Can’t you just get back in line and pipe down?

This other person, the one who is so uncomfortable, approaches with a huge roll of white out tape. I can keep the weirdness, they finally agree, but I can never speak of it again. I can never tell anyone I have it inside of me. I have to be blank, so that they can sleep better at night. In the meantime, I can’t sleep at all. Everything itches. The weirdness bounces around in a cage and makes me shake from head to toe. I’m sick and I’m dying and I’m told it’s a punishment, or that I’ve made it up, or that somehow it’s something I’ve actually caused myself. If only I’d ignored every fiber of my being and scrubbed and scrubbed until I had no features of my own left. All my edges are rounded out.
From The Fairly Oddparents, when Timmy wishes everyone were the same
and there's STILL arbitrary bullshit prejudice
I am trying to disappear. I am trying to stay quiet and blend in and make sure you’re as comfy as possible. I’m trying to make sure you forget I exist, for your sake and for mine. I only appear when you need me, to do a parlor trick and show others how you’ve flattened me out and fit my square peg into a round hole. I’m still not round enough--I’m just quieter about my square edges. You brag about your perfectly spherical existence. I’m tired of thinking about this.

I’m physically tired, and mentally drained and I don’t even get the worst of it. I barely blip on a map of misfortune, to be honest. And I CAN pretend I’m spherical, but not all of us can. Some of us are so square that we’ve tried to shove ourselves into a round hole, and torn the edges to pieces and now we’re a jagged, irregular square, even worse than when we started. There is no end to this rant, the same way there’s no end to the things we find to hate each other for. I’m too tired to continue the metaphor. Just let people be people--especially if that means they’re celebrating WHO. THEY. ARE. 

Anyway, if you see a weird kid, tell them you like their shoes. Or don’t. But I promise you they’ll notice either way.

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Unemployment Diaries: The Procrastination Station

Fridays are supposed to be great? But when you're unemployed they're the same as every other day of the week, tbh. The only difference between Friday and the rest of the week is that it's easier to convince the employed people in my life to hang out. Anyway here's how Friday went:

Who allows me access to the internet
9:00 wake up every ten minutes FOR TWO SOLID HOURS trying to get the last few minutes of shut-eye. Fail because apparently the outside world is very exciting for the dog, and she needs the whole block to know.

11:00 wake up to phone ringing. Talk to sister for a while about her life. Apparently she goes to Starbucks enough that they give her free things sometimes. I also have two emails from a different sister asking for editing help, and a message from Sam asking for a little help with a side project.

12:00 eat bagel, start work on everyone else's projects for the day while Agents of SHIELD plays in the background. At some point, make a list of all the Disney figures Jeremy and I have collected so far for placecard holders re: our wedding. Of course I left the list on the floor in Sam's room, where I still haven't bothered picking it up to put in the computer. *shrug*

4:30 Eat another bagel. I've watched a lot of SHIELD today and I'm about halfway through Season 2?? There are only three season of the show so far, but ssn 2.1 is FECKIN EXCELLENT. Probably the best one. My friend Lee calls b/c he wants me to come hang out this weekend. He's been out of work for like three weeks now with medical issues and he's bored out of his mind. I can empathize.

5:00 Phone call with Jeremy. I know this doesn't seem important, but I like talking to him and anyway we have stuff to discuss about finances and me finding a job and stuff. #goteam! I take a shower b/c we're probably going out

I have a lot of trash like this saved to my
new laptop
7:30 boys get home and we decide to go out for dinner. They saw a weird diner on their way home, and we agree to eat there. It's a re-purposed IHOP that didn't bot
her redecorating at all and I love it. My friend Joey calls right before we're about to sit down. I need to remember to call him back.

8:45 check out a tattoo shop across from the fake IHOP in case they have a Friday the 13th flash sale. They do not. Head home.

10:00 sit around watching Agents of SHIELD, editing my RENT binder (my music pages were hole punched on the wrong side for my purposes. Jeremy plays Destiny, reads Bloodlines, then plays Destiny again.

2:00 bed time b/c I'm exhausted and my eyes hurt. And I have rehearsal tomorrow.

Anyway I only have a few more days of Agents of SHIELD watching before the season 3 finale and I am going to have so much more time. I think I'm going to start reading books out of my library. I also need to call some of the places I've applied and followup on my applications. I should create another spreadsheet to keep track of when I send in applications and don't call too soon after. >_>

anyway see you tomorrow (later tonight) when I write more.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Unemployment Diaries: Vacation Days

So I slept for a few hours. Got up at 6:30 to feed my whiny children. Went back to bed.
10:00am Jeremy wakes me up he's leaving for a Dentist's appointment, but I don't want to get up yet--after the late LATE night I am exhausted and feel ill-equipped to apply for more jobs. Oh, right, Jeremy is home today for a dentist appointment. Yay day home with him!

11:30am Jeremy is back, he declares himself Chip Skylark. Great reference. My uterus is trying to eat me. Jeremy agrees to make me some oatmeal and get me an ibuprofen. Kingdom Hearts on my phone because of course. 

12:30pm Jeremy is playing Destiny on the TV downstairs and he wants to go to Costco for some groceries. I agree to go around 1:00. My hair is a mess, so I trim my bangs and mess them up because of course. So I fix them.

3:00pm home from Costco and getting my emissions checked. Now that's off my list yaaay. Start marathoning Agents of SHIELD again. Poke around the internet for possible jobs. Make dinner plans with Ali re: Pilsner's drop-off tonight. Jer plays more Destiny. 

6:00pm mobilize for dinner! Pack Pilsner into my car, Find out Agent Carter has been cancelled, and with it, a little of my soul dies.
7:00pm Dinner with Ali at a chinese place where I apparently can't eat anything. Dessert at Cold Stone and WE WENT THROUGH AN AMC WHERE THEY STILL HAD CIVIL WAR POSTERS FROM SUNDAY YAAAASSSSS

10:00 home. Agents of SHIELD again. Jeremy reads Bloodline. I still feel gross and horrible. Watch more SHIELD until sleep time. Oh, and type this up. :D

Not exciting. But that's alright, not all days can be home-run existential crises. See y'all tomorrow, when I'll still be unemployed.

Unemployment Diaries: The Depression Edition (Part 2)

10:00 There is absolutely no reason for this, but I woke up relatively...fine...Sunday morning. It was mothers day so we had pancakes with Val to celebrate. Cody had come down for the occasion. Val wanted gluten-free pancakes though, and no one liked them. Not even Val.
At some point: get facebook message about booty in Civil War from someone I barely talk to. Beam.
11:00 I ate the doughnut I'd bought the day before instead.
11:01 Jeremy drove us home with plenty of time for me to splash water on my face and head out to the sushi bar where my sister and I both work now. Well, I worked there for two weekends in a row and now I am not on their schedule for a little while. I hope I work there again.
4:00 Working with my sister was actually kind of rad. She showed me pictures from her trip to Costa Rica, which were all pretty cool. I told her about her rabbit and how Sam likes taking care of her (the rabbit, not my sister). Work went by pretty damn fast, actually.
10:30 Home. Tired as fuck again. Worth it.
11:00ish Woke up feeling disgusting, as I hadn't slept more than an hour at a time, and when I did sleep I had nightmares and woke myself up. No REM cycle for me.

Unemployment Diaries: The Depression Edition (Part 1)

Oh hey look at that it's been several days since I updated. So even though Civil War happened, and a trip home where I got to see Lauryn in Seussical, and nothing particularly bad occurred, but depression doesn't always WAIT for something bad to occur. Sometimes it just sneaks up on you.
This is a long one, so I'm splitting it in two. But you should still strap in.

I typed up my unemployment diary from Wednesday. I probably watched some Agents of SHIELD (Read: definitely did that.), might have applied for a job or two (I honestly can't remember) and then rolled around on the couch, considering how my life got to this point. Likely, I ate something that wasn't good for me. When the boys came home from work, I might have made them watch Veronica Mars, or I might have sat around thinking about cats. I honestly have no idea.
*edit* I'm a moron, this was Civil War night and I also found out I had a chiropractor appointment an hour before it was scheduled, while I was wandering around Petco getting cat attract for my jerkface cat who poops on the floor without it. So the evening went:
4:00 Petco and Walmart, for lettuce (bunny) and candy (civil war)
5:00 get sandwich at Wawa. It has horseradish on it which I think I can handle. I'm wrong.
5:15 leave for Chiro appt. Get to office, read fanfiction while laying on the back massage table thing.
7:00 arrive home, hungry due to horseradish interrupting my dinner. Boys get home, we decide to watch Veronica Mars together (I knew she was in there somewhere) until it's time to leave.
10:00 movie theatre. Sam has leftover birthday rewards on his Regal card. SCORE.
10:30 previews
11:00 lights down, movie starts, I hold my breath for 2.5 hours.
1:30 chatter about Civil War. Official Review: 10/10 still on team cap. Never enough butts. 10/10 would like to be Bucky's motorcycle. 10/10 #freebucky2k16 10/10 so proud to own a beetle. Recommended for: everyone with a heart? Brain? Functioning lungs? Do you need oxygen? Then you should watch this film. Only flaw: distinct lack of Stamford, CT--which features heavily in the books. 1/10 for accuracy (books take place on earth. so does movie).